He is ever before my eyes

I have been clinging to the vision that God gave me at the very beginning of my labor with John Michael. In fact I wasn't even sure what was going on or how it could possibly be labor ( I threw up for the first twelve hours during the contractions). As I sit soaking in the bath I had this image that Christ was kneeling beside me on the bathroom floor pouring water on my back. I immediately knew it wasn't my own thought because I wouldn't picture Jesus the way I had seen Him and I never would have put Him on my bathroom floor! But in that moment I knew what He was showing me; that He was with me for the long hall. It brings tears to my eyes every time I think of it. After a three day labor I thought that was why He had given me that image.... indeed it has served a much bigger purpose since then. The birth was nothing in comparison to the road, the uncommon road, we would have to travel.

I have been blessed by the words from Psalm 108:

"Dont forget His Love...

who forgives all our sins,

who heals all our diseases,

who redeems our life from the pit

and who crowns you with His love."

I have had so many thoughts and not enough time to process them, I wanted to start this blog to help me with that. The events that occurred around John Michael's birth, looking back, had so much purpose, so I will be mentioning it frequently. Instead of one long birth story it will be woven in. 

The future is so uncertain and that I am not so special that I am the only one who can say that. All of our earthly futures are completely uncertain. I repeatedly tell myself not to compare but the only way I have been able to do that is see that we are on our own road. Unlike any of my friends' or their children's. And that doesn't mean I am alone. My family is walking it with me as best they can, although there will always be more heartache for the mother than anyone else will know. This isn't a sob story. This is already a victorious miracle! We have a very good life and we are thankful.

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on a side note: I am usually only able to type one handed and I don't proofread much... so be prepared.